*This post was developed via a partnership with BetterHelp.

Anyone who’s lived long enough has been through an emotionally challenging time or event, it’s all part of being human. And when we’re faced with difficult circumstances in work and family, it’s only natural we turn to our friends and loved ones for support.

There are ways we can learn to become better listeners who are more open to understanding what a friend needs, rather than telling them what they need to feel supported. Check out BetterHelp’s guide to having supportive friendships to explore more:

www.betterhelp.com/advice/relations/the-importance-of-having-supportive-friendships/

Ask Them What They Need

A healthy place to start is by asking your friend what they need in that moment. Start by finding out how they are and how you can support them. Often in cases like a family illness, there’s nothing anyone can do that will help. But just asking can help someone feel more supported.

Start thinking of questions you can ask that are appropriate to the situation:

  • How can I support you?
  • How are you feeling about what’s happening?
  • What are some of the options you have?
  • Can I contact you again soon to check in?

Pause Before Speaking

Taking a pause before acting or speaking is a valuable skill to learn in life. We can learn so much by becoming better listeners. Although we may have the urge to want to rush in and soothe our friend, consider taking a beat before speaking.

Just sitting with that person in their pain may be what they need most. They may not want to feel pushed to “move on” or start feeling better yet, and that’s okay.

Rushing in can also be a way for us to avoid feeling discomfort. Taking a moment can help you more fully share the experience with your friend while also giving them the space they need to experience the event they’re going through, which will ultimately help them to heal.

Leave The Instagram Clichés At Home

While people tend to lean on clichés in challenging times, it may not be a welcome sentiment for the person experiencing the event. It’s important here to avoid saying things like, “everything happens for a reason” that can make people feel minimized. Also avoid statistics or saying that this is something that happens to a lot people.

 The goal here is to make someone feel important and cared for, not that they’re one of millions of people this has already happened to. If anything, you want to be “maximizing” their experience and the impact it’s having on their life. Do what you can to help give them full reign to experience the wide range of emotions they need to go through in the healing process. 

Keep Up The Regular Support

After you’ve listened, you’ve asked what they need, you’ve worked to help them feel validated in their emotions, and you’ve eaten ice cream together, there’s still one more thing every supportive friendship needs: continued support.

Keep checking in with them, even if it’s a quick text. If it helps you to remember, put a reminder to text or call your friend on your calendar every day or week for a month to make sure they continue to feel your love and support.

In Conclusion While friends are an important source of support, they’re not the only source of support out there when someone is experiencing a tough time. Please don’t hesitate to contact a mental health professional if you or a friend is experiencing a life event that feels overwhelming. Finding a therapist can be one of the healthiest steps we take for our me