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Life isn’t all sunshine and roses. And however happy your family situation, sometimes life takes a darker turn. As much as we want to shield our children from the reality of hard situations, that isn’t always possible. It may not be quite what you pictured while you were pregnant. Sometimes we need to have conversations which aren’t so easy – addressing a negative life situation or their own bad behaviour. A lot of parents struggle with this, and it’s definitely one of the less pleasant aspects of family life, but how you handle these discussions can really shape a young life, perhaps even more so than the good times. When we’re faced with challenges in life – and it’s inevitable that we will be – how we respond is more of a character definition than how we are in normal life.
Teaching Emotional Resilience
We are also modelling behaviours and skills around managing feelings and becoming emotionally resilient that our children are learning from. Getting it right is tough, but important. Not only will you be minimising the negative consequences of a tough situation, but you’ll also be giving your kids tools that they can use throughout the challenges to come in their life, even into adulthood. The problem is that these are the skills which are never formally taught – so you may not have had the opportunity to gain them yourself, let alone teach them to others. However, with a few steps back from the situation and a little more conscious intent, you can reshape the narrative – for you and for future generations.
Improve Your Listening Skills
You need to talk to your child about a difficult topic. It may be their own behaviour – perhaps there’s been an incident at school where they were aggressive or rude. It might be an external situation that will impact them – the death of a loved one or parents deciding to call in the divorce solicitors. Either way, it’s a conversation you didn’t want to be having. And it all starts with developing your listening skills. Too often, we are so focused on the importance of what we have to say that we don’t remember to listen properly to our child, and to give attention and validation to their feelings. When we try to minimise what our kids are feeling, we teach them not to trust their own judgement, not to listen to their emotions – and that is pretty toxic. So take the time to let them explain the impact of something on them.
Validate Their Feelings – And Help With Actions
Don’t make them feel that their feelings don’t count because they ‘shouldn’t’ feel a certain way. Part of raising emotionally resilient children is teaching them that whatever they are feeling in response to a situation is okay. Emotions are not rational, and that’s fine. We have to acknowledge that we can’t control what happens to us in life. What we can control is our actions in response to those situations. So start by hearing out what your child has to say about what they are feeling. Then link those feelings to an action that they could take to feel more positive about the situation, even if it’s only something small. This empowers them to know that they can make a change and that even if they feel something, they don’t have to let what they feel dictate what they do.
