When you decide to use donor eggs to start your family, you stand before an important and difficult decision: choosing your donor. It isn’t as easy as comparing the cost between fresh and frozen donor eggs, where the obvious choice for most would be frozen. Selecting the right egg donor often isn’t a straightforward or simple decision.
Choosing an egg donor isn’t about simply looking at a photograph and a few physical statistics. Instead, you’ll have a whole wide range of factors, including your own feelings, preconceived ideas, and expectations to consider.
Try to calm your mind and your feelings
Sadly, many women feel let down by their bodies and are deeply disappointed when they’re first confronted with the notion that they need to use another woman’s eggs to conceive. They may worry they won’t have feelings for a child they have no genetic connection with.
These worries are normal, but often don’t transpire. Any parent given the gift of a child born via a donor egg cycle will tell you their child is absolutely their own. However, it’s important to take the time to acknowledge and work through these feelings, if needed.
Rein in your expectations
Once you’ve come to terms with the idea of using an egg donor to conceive, it’s normal to conjure up a vision of the ideal offspring, complete with the ideal body type, high IQ, great personality, good looks, compatible interests or whatever your perfect match may be.
Unfortunately, the perfect donor that meets such a wide array of criteria often doesn’t exist. Why? Because people are unique. No two people are the same.
Even with access to the largest and most diverse pool of frozen egg donors from Donor Egg Bank USA, it can be difficult to find your ‘perfect’ donor match.
You might find exactly what you’ve envisioned for your donor’s physical appearance, but she doesn’t match your need for someone who’s introverted and loves music or dancing. Or perhaps her religious background doesn’t quite fit with yours. Most people find they must make peace with the fact that they won’t find their ‘perfect’ donor match.
Where do you start?
Many people try to find a donor who has similar physical traits – similar body build, skin, eyes, and hair color. The thinking behind this is that the child’s appearance will blend seamlessly with the existing family.
While physical appearance is important for some, others focus more on a similar background, a good education, general interests, and personality. For those who favor their nationality, race or ethnicity, a donor with a similar background may be a key factor.
While the donor’s level of education and interests will be stated in their application, personality is harder to gauge. Egg donor profiles often contain a list of questions for the donor to answer. These essays give the recipient an insight into the values and personal ideals of their donor.
However, a comprehensive donor profile – complete with childhood photos and detailed essays – won’t reveal the greatest characteristic of your donor. Your donor, just by donating her eggs, already is a very special and incredibly altruistic person.
Personality traits of an egg donor
Your donor is a resilient and committed human being. To become accepted as a donor isn’t a simple process, and it can be emotionally taxing for many donor candidates.
Your egg donor must be prepared to undertake many medical examinations and procedures, including psychological screening. Further, she must accept there’s a risk to egg donation, although increasingly rare.
Your approved donor would’ve undergone a significant amount of physical testing, as well. She will have needed to pass fertility and gynecological exams, STD testing, genetic testing, and more to ensure she could provide healthy eggs.
Additionally, throughout her donation cycle, she will have attended multiple doctor appointments for ultrasounds and blood tests. When her donation cycle began, she attended multiple doctor appointments for ultrasounds and blood tests. Eventually, these appointments became daily. Furthermore, in order for her fertility practice to have retrieved her eggs, she had to follow a strict schedule of injecting herself with fertility medications.
The process can become exhausting for some donors. Yet, no matter how your donor felt, she found a way to get through it.
That grit and determination are personality traits that will stand your child in good stead.
Conclusion
It often isn’t easy to find an egg donor that will meet all your requirements, even with access to a large and diverse pool of donors from an egg bank. You’ll need to be flexible with your egg donor criteria, but all egg donors have two characteristics in common: they’re resilient and committed – excellent qualities that may be passed on to your child.
