So it’s about time I start answering some of your questions about being plus size and pregnant. This is the first of many posts that I plan to write and I hope it answers some of your questions. I’ll always start by saying that every single woman is different. We don’t have full control over what our bodies do and no matter what you are an amazing human.
So this post is about how we conceived, my thoughts, feelings and opinions. As you probably know, I’m plus size and have been most of my life. I’m in the morbidly obese BMI bracket which doesn’t bother me at all. It’s only words and an outdated scale. But in terms of transparency, I’m massively overweight. I’d also been on the contraceptive pill for closer to 10 years. I was also 30, which puts me on the older side of parenthood (apparently if you believe the hype) and I was in a very stressful job. Stress is also supposed to affect fertility… so you know. We had a lot going against us!
We decided that we wanted to start a family. We were about to do a bit of travelling, Chiino has just been made redundant and was about to start a new job and generally, we were ready for the next step. Parenthood. I’d already heard the stories online about how difficult it is to conceive when you’re overweight. The stories made it sound almost impossible. Added to that were the massive indications that if you did somehow get pregnant when you were fat then the chances of miscarriage were higher. Talk about already scaring the poop out of someone?!
Even just being on the pill for so long meant that is could take longer to get pregnant because the pill had to leave your system etc. So will all those things against me I thought it would be close to a year before we would conceive. Well, I gave myself a mental goal that if after a year of trying if nothing happened, we’d look at other options. I did all the things that I thought would set me on the path to parenthood. Downloaded an app that would help with ovulation timings. Googled foods that were supposed to be good for all that stuff and bought a diary to monitor it all in. I’m not going to lie. I even considered signing up for Slimming World – just in case my weight really was going to stop me from getting pregnant. I don’t know what happens to your mindset when you want a baby but when you’re told by online outlets it probably won’t happen. It’s like a sense of desperation kicks in. Like you’re on a mission to make it happen. All this preparation was before we had even tried!
I decided to take an unpaid sabbatical from my job which meant that I had 4 months off unpaid. It was time to try and enjoy life a little as I was seeing my parents getting older etc and I wanted to just enjoy life for a bit. I had a really stressful job and I just wanted a bit of time out. We had booked a few holidays and were ready to roll. We decided then that we’d start trying for a baby. Nothing like a holiday to get your groove on or whatever cheesy phrase you want to use! Based on all the above, we thought it would take a year for us to conceive. Then we would look at other options. So I stopped the pill. Life carried on as normal. A little less stressful and a lot more fun! Ha!
So here’s where it gets interesting. The dates are a little hazy now. But I started waking up in the night needing to wee. It was so bizarre as that NEVER happened to me. But I ignored it. I went to Amsterdam with one of my best friends for a few days and I was SO tired. I mean, it was next level, full on moaning tired. I didn’t want to walk or go anywhere. I’m surprised she was still my friend at the end of it. Then the heartburn. Oh, my word. I’d NEVER had heartburn before. I thought it must have been all the cheese we were eating. I mean it was Amsterdam after all! Once I was home, a few more days past and I felt sick. Not like I had a cold. But I woke up and felt like I needed to vomit. I’d been back from Amsterdam for a while so knew it wasn’t the cheese. Suddenly it dawned on me…. Could I…. could I be pregnant?
We had only stopped taking the pill a month or so ago. So surely not. But to be on the safe side when Chiino went to work I went and bought two pregnancy tests. I didn’t trust just one, so I got two! I put them on the bed and looked at them. I’d wait until Chiino was home and then we’d do it together like in all the films. But me, being the impatient person I am, went and did the test. It was something like 8 am in the morning. So I did the test and then left it on the bathroom floor while I made a cup of tea. I honestly was so sure it would be not pregnant I actually went and made a cup of tea! Well… that tea went cold. Because when I checked the test. SURPRISE! PREGNANT!
I know…. After just a month or so of no pill, me being fat, stressed and 30. I had a bun in the oven. I think the test said 3-6 weeks but I can’t remember exactly. But I was in shock! One of my best friends lived in Canada so I sent her a picture of the test. Poor thing saw that on her screen at like 5 am and messaged me straight away!
I was every single emotion you could imagine. Happy, scared, shocked, excited… everything. A little ball of fireworks was going off in my belly. What if it was wrong? So I did the second test. That confirmed I was pregnant!
So now I had to decide if I should message Chiino at work or hold tight until he came home. I can’t tell you how long that day felt. I wanted to wait until he was home. So I did everything I could to keep busy. I cleaned the house, changed the bedding, cleaned the windows. Time was going at snail’s pace. Then Chiino messaged and said he was going to the supermarket after work and I was like omg pleeeeasssssssse hurry up. I just said that dinner was ready but on the inside, I was so wrapped up in nerves and excitement I could hardly contain myself.
Then when he got home I was hovering like a bird. He went in the shower and I could almost scream. I had decided to give him the pregnancy test like a present. I’d wrapped it up inside a box, inside another box and so on. There were like 5 boxes. The first one was wrapped up and then it was a Clarks shoe box. So when Chiino sat at the table I told him I had a present for him. He was surprised but not that shocked as we always do little things like that. When he unwrapped it he saw the Clarks box and was like.. errrrm… why have you got me shoes? I almost shouted at him to keep opening.
Finally, he got to the test, took it out and the look on his face took my breath away. His breath was totally blown away too. He was smiling, then emotional and he couldn’t believe it either. We were pregnant and it was amazing. It happened so quickly we both just sat stunned for the rest of the night.
So that’s it. No tricks, no magic, no plan, no changing my lifestyle. It just happened very quickly. There was no real ‘trying’ involved. I’m sorry of you wanted a more in-depth story but there really isn’t’ one. We got it on with no contraception and got pregnant – pretty much like all the warnings I got as a teen! As I say, everyone is different but it just goes to show that everything you read about being overweight etc isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. I’m not saying it doesn’t play a part in fertility, as it would be irresponsible of me to say that. But it isn’t the be all and end all. It’s a factor. One of the hundreds! I’m not a superwoman. I’m not a special case and I’m definitely not one of a kind. I’m just your average fat girl who got pregnant pretty much first try. Lucky – most definitely. The ONLY thing I can say that could have made a difference was that I was less stressed because I was on leave from work. But who knows? As I said, it’s a series of factors. Not just one. Oh and for those interested. We became pregnant with Marlo kind of by accident. I was all over the place because Cameo was just about to turn 1. I was on the pill – I think. All I know is that we became pregnant, unexpectedly but happily. Very quickly. Again! Even though I’m ‘morbidly obese’. I know…. can you believe it? If you read everything about being plus size and pregnant you’d think I was a miracle. But I’m not!
What should you take away from this story? Firstly, if you’re thinking of trying for a baby but are scared about your size and if it will happen. Just do it. Don’t be scared of the unknown. You don’t know until you try! I get so many messages asking how long it took to conceived and now you know. Straight away. Remember you’re an individual. It could happen instantly, it could take 6 weeks, 6 months, 6 years or you might consider other options. None of them is wrong or makes you a bad person. None of them happens JUST because of your size.
If you’ve been trying to conceive and it’s not happening. I want you to know that it isn’t solely because of your weight and while you might decide that losing weight is for you, it doesn’t make you a bad person in any way, shape or form. Regardless of your journey to motherhood, whatever happens, you’re still an incredible woman.
If you have any more questions for me or feel like I can help in some way, feel free to message me.
You can read my plus size birth story here.