7 years in and my relationship is still going strong. We’re engaged and have a 6 week old baby. We’re on our second home (as in, our second place to live, not that we own two homes… I wish!) and generally we’re in a super happy place. Even with the lack of sleep we haven’t been forced into separate rooms. Yet. So how have we managed to keep our love going strong? Well that’s the question that Bed Guru are asking in their latest #LoveBedGuru Valentine’s Day campaign. I agree with them, that everyone needs something different to get a decent night sleep and if you live with someone (and share a bed!) it does feel like an obligation that they get a great night sleep. This is even truer for me now than it has ever been. I’m on maternity leave and Mr C getting up early. With Baby C waking up for feeds in the night I really do feel bad if Mr C has a bad night’s sleep. But like I said, 6 weeks in to parenthood and still no arguments, we’ve really tried to compromise and co-operate with each other. Especially when it comes to sleeping arrangements and how to accommodate your other half. So here are my top tips on keeping the love alive when sleep deprived!
The one thing you need to do is talk. If you’re super tired and at the end of your tether, let your partner know. Sometimes they just don’t see it. Mr C is a real heavy sleeper. He can sleep through almost anything! So he doesn’t know that I’m up for hours with Baby C at night feeding him unless I tell him. Once he knows I’ve had a bad night, he will make sure the next day I get a lay in, or that I go to bed first. The same for me. If he has had a really long day at work, I’ll make sure that I help with the small things. Getting his lunch together for him or ironing his shirts so that he gets a few precious extra moments in bed. If we don’t let each other know then there’s no way of helping each other.
I love pillows. I have certain pillows, which I like at a certain angel. Plus when I was pregnant I had pillows under my belly, bump, legs… everywhere! Rather than Mr C complaining about it, he moved them so that he had his space and I had mine. So having nice uniformed pillows looks great on the bed right? Yep, lovely for a show home. But being realistic I like soft pillows, Mr C likes hard pillows. He needs neck support, I don’t. So our pillows might not look uniform and amazingly pretty, but at least we sleep well. It’s one of those things we had to accept and get on with it. It’s our bed, we need it to work for us!
I’m sorry to do this to Mr C but he snores. Yes he does. I’m telling you, snoring is one of those things that can make or break a relationship. Seriously! You know when you tune into that awful sound there is no way of tuning out. The hard part about this is that there isn’t much the person snoring can do about it. Mr C even tried nasal strips once and they worked for a bit. Then I tried earplugs but now with a baby, I can’t use them. But here is the bizarre thing. He only snores when he sleeps on his back with his arm above his head! I know it’s his favourite sleeping position and the one he naturally rolls over into. But when the snoring hits, I pull him arm down (quite aggressively) and push him on to his side. I can even do it in my sleep now without looking. I know the moment he snores his arm is above his head and it’s time to come down! That’s one sleeping arrangement that needs to happen. The biggest compromise I suppose is that he can’t sleep in his most comfortable position. But for the sake of our relationship, he does try. Bless him.
The one thing we agreed on when we moved in together was that we wanted the best bed we could afford. After all, we were going to be in it half of our lives! We agreed that a good mattress meant a good night’s sleep. We did buy an exceptionally large bed. (We didn’t think about the space we’d need for a baby then!) but I still love it. The one thing that can really help if you like different types of mattresses (I’m a softie, Mr C is more of a firm lover) or of one of you are heavier than the other (exactly like me and Mr C!) is to get a couple’s mattress. It’s something I’d never thought of before but such a good idea. A bespoke handmade mattress that’s made half for you and half for your partner. A bit like how you’d compromise with a pizza, but bigger, and much more fulfilling!
Those are my tips on keeping the love alive when you’re sleep deprived. What are you’re top tips for keeping your relationship happy and getting a good nights sleep?